How to Take a Critique Positively

By My Attitude - My Life - My Rules, dimanche 15 avril 2012, 16:49 ·

How to Take a Critique Positively

Critique is the most bold way of telling someone that they need to get better at any kind of topic and a great critique will even include guidance. Yet, critique is probably the hardest "lecture" you'll need to listen to, especially when you're not ready for it or surprised by it. 

This article explores the notion that only some critique is worth taking on board and suggests that it is important that you learn the difference between great critique and critique spawned by non-constructive emotional reactions. There is also a focus on how you can benefit from great critique and learn to both accept and learn from it.

1. Be discerning. Not every person offering a critique is in an appropriate position to do so; indeed, some people will criticize anything regardless of their own knowledge and skills, simply because they feel entitled to or they're just arrogant or they've overreached themselves and presume they have expertise when they don't. Then there are the critics who lack full grasp of the facts but plow on all the same, criticizing your work, efforts or even yourself, based on their preferences as opposed to the facts. Spotting the ill-equipped critic is an important part of protecting yourself from unhelpful and disrespectful criticism while still recognizing valid and constructive criticism. In learning to spot the critic who hasn't got a clue what they're on about, here are some key signs:

• The uninformed critic has a problem with details. When asked to clarify what they really mean, they continue to spout generalizations or simply dole out faddish lines that the media or the crowd has been saying or something their neighbor's father's sister-in-law twice removed once mentioned.
• They rely on opinion in place of factual observation. One person's opinion is just that – their opinion. It may be well-grounded and substantial but it remains an opinion and you have the choice as to whether or not to learn from it. On the other hand, a factual observation based on expert knowledge and skill is something you can usually learn from and improve your skills by if you're prepared to listen to the core truths being expressed. Learn to differentiate between opinion and factual observation.
• They're rude and unforgiving in their manner of delivery. They simply refuse to listen to your side of the matter and remain firmly embedded in their own preferences. A good critic will listen and will be genuinely prepared to revise part or all of their critique if they've got the wrong end of the stick. A set-in-their-ways, stick-in-the-mud critic is incapable of being thus moved. (Which should tell you everything about their perspective on the world.)
• They give you unwanted advice along with the critique, advice they have no place to give. This advice may take the form of professional advice from someone totally lacking the professional or inside knowledge, anything ranging from psychological, nutritional, legal, financial and health advice, all without a blink of the eye as to the accuracy of their understanding of the situation, their personal expertise or even the accuracy of their advice applied to the situation in question.

2. Listen to the great critics and learn to dismiss the babble of the mediocre. The reality is that there are very few good, worthy critics in any field or endeavor at any single time in history. This is because a lot of people think they know better but lack the adequate background knowledge, skills and expertise to truly criticize with accuracy. Moreover, not only does a great critic understand what they're criticizing but they actually understand what motivates people and people's creativity (or other effort). As such, an excellent critic is not criticizing to make themselves look good; a great critic wants to see the work or creation elevated to its very best, to push the creator as hard as the critic knows the creator can be pushed to perform, create, write, achieve, etc., to be at their very best possible. A mediocre or poor critic is often motivated by jealousy, personal inability, sheer irritability or anger and isn't as interested in what the person being criticized is capable of. Rather, this type of critic seeks to lop the tall poppy in its prime, trample all over it and run away in glee feeling slightly better about themselves for the demolition of another person's character.

• Who is a great critic? Partly, that will very much depend on the field in which you're being criticized. Be it parenting to rocket science, there will be someone who was renowned as a respected and trusted critic. Do an online search for great critics in your field and whether you're an artist, writer, photographer, speechwriter, business owner, sportsperson, manufacturer, inventor, scientist, programmer, teacher,librarian, whatever, there will be the words of people you admire and aspire to live up to, while there will be those whom you recognize as the jealous and undermining types whom history has remember less than kindly.
• A great critic tends to have some or all of the following characteristics: perceptive, intelligent, devoted to their expertise/knowledge, experienced, well-read and learned, thoughtful and reflective, honest, compassionate (although this may be tempered with intense toughness), demanding of perfection but only when they know it is a reasonable expectation, often seasons or even years ahead in thinking, able to recognize nascent genuine creative quality when others still don't see it, unafraid to criticize a mob mentality or lackluster cultural ways of the day, detached and unprejudiced, accountable, humble, an ability to not take themselves too seriously. HL Mencken once said that much criticism is "prejudice made plausible", so this latter characteristic of not taking themselves too seriously is vital in a good critic – the ability to acknowledge when they've made an error of judgment and to apologize. Add your own characteristics that are pertinent in your field of endeavors and you'll know when to trust and when to dismiss the criticism being thrust in your direction.

3. Expect critique. It's most unreasonable to put yourself out into the public sphere and to expect people to adore you and never say a negative word about you. Even if you're sweet and innocent as a kitten, someone is going to hate you just because they can and just because it's not them where you are or doing what you're doing. And nobody is all rainbows-and-unicorns at any one time – everyone has moments of doubt in which their less affable side slips out. Face the reality that critique is coming your way – accept it and learn from it. Then let it roll right off your back. Put simply, people criticize because they can and often it is born in the depths of their own inabilities and unfulfilled wishes rather than being any true reflection of the matter. After all, aren't there moments when you turn from criticized to critic yourself? In such a moment, you can often recognize that it's the green-eyed monster or the deflated dreamer that talks and not your objective and thoughtful self.

• No matter who you are, how famous or minor your presence online, once you publish yourself online, you are open to critique. When your art, movie making, writing, opinions, thoughts, attitude, or whatever has been posted online, anyone can critique it if there is a response button available and by goodness, they will do so! If you're not ready for anyone to define what they perceive as your errors, do not submit your efforts online until you're ready for this possibility. And be realistic – the internet is full of instant critics and "trolls", people who criticize for sport, for the sake of winding you up and to get their daily dose of attention-seeking or venting.

4.Accept the critique that matters and accept it when you want to be better. As outlined above, being discerning will allow you to know when the critique actually matters and comes from someone whose words, beliefs, values and understandings matter to you. You will be motivated to learn from what they have to suggest and you will be keen to fix what they say is not working from their perspective, all because you have good reason to change. This doesn't mean that you have to like or even care about such critics as a person but it does mean that you respect their critique as something knowledgeable and filled with guidance on where you should be extending or improving your skills, talents and efforts.

5. Be careful not to confuse self-confidence with self-deception. Denying the critique of a respected and worthy critic can be a way of staying stuck in whatever it is you're doing right now. Not acting upon valid critique might signal that you're too comfortable at your current (perhaps mediocre) level and don't want to be pushed or be forced to acknowledge a lack in skill or ability. Being overly confident about yourself in the face of deficiencies could stymie your development and prevent a blossoming of talent or a much-needed change of direction (even if that change means leaving one talent and working on another). Instead of being stubborn, learn to hear the message behind a well-aimed critique. There is often a message you're unwilling to hear for one reason or other and yet deep down there may be a part of you that says, "yes, I know and really, that is something I need to attend to rather than rallying all this energy to defend my mediocrity."

     Talented people are often very sensitive to critique that they feel goes to the heart of their talent and yet there may be good reason for the critique. For example, a world class skier with natural talent might deny the need to practice regularly, choosing instead to rely wholly on her talent; and then she is beaten by a skier who has half her talent but practices daily without fail. Not facing the need to underpin talent with practice is a common fault in many of us!

6. Find ways to stay inwardly calm. Critique will happen, whatever you do in life but if you're of the nature to hyperventilate, cry, lose your temper or to give any other form of overly emotional reaction, learn to self-soothe to be able to ride the worst of it over. It's unkind when someone says to you "oh, you're too sensitive" because sensitivity is a part of who we are and some of the greatest creators, inventors and leaders are very sensitive people. Ignore such thoughtless commentary and instead concentrate on soothing yourself. Some of the techniques to assist in this include:

• Deep breathing. Notice all shallow breathing and make a conscious decision to change it to deep breathing. Slowly inhale. Slowly exhale. Repeat this mantra in your mind and copy with your breath until you can feel the calm descend.
• Use sound. Sound can calm, such as the sound of the ocean or a waterfall. Load these sounds onto your iPod or MP3 and you have an instant soothing mechanism no matter where you are when met with criticism.
• Pinch or flick a part of yourself or find some other "deflecting" habit. Make a deal with yourself well in advance that you will perform this particular deflection habit until it becomes second nature, whenever someone says or does something to you in the form of critique. It will then serve as a reminder that you are to remain conscious of the critique but not to take it personally or to vilify yourself as a result but that you'll allow yourself to cherry-pick only that which resonates with helping you become better.
• A critic can be a scary character in your mind – and in reality. However, don't give this person such power over you. Respect them but realize that they're simply another person either doing their job or voicing their opinions. If that doesn't work, picture them cuddling their children or pets, or if they have none, doing other very normal, everyday things.

7. Reflect and respond at your convenience. Avoid taking critiques as if they require immediate action. If you do react instantly, this can mean that you overreact or react poorly. And in all reality, change takes patience and time. If you are to implement changes as the result of a trusted and valued critique about your work or self, then give yourself time and don't rush the changes. The critique is there to remind you what you could work on slowly in the future. Relax... don't let critiques rush you.

• It's natural to feel cornered and upset if it seems that there are so many changes needed to improve your direction that you don't know whether you can ever manage them all. Calm yourself though and break it down into small, identifiable steps. And check whether everything in a critique needs addressing – there may be some aspects you do agree with while other aspects you feel are nitpicking or misunderstandings and can be left aside.
• Stop yourself from replying if you feel angry, sad, or offended by someone's critique. Critiques can boldly show how someone's mind is either on the positive or negative side of a matter. If you feel upset as a result of someone's critique, the best way to handle it is to not say anything until you've sorted through your feelings. If it's online, leave the post alone until you calm down, and if it's in real life, just walk away until you settle down. The one thing you don't want is to throw your rage or self-pity on someone, only to feel regretful later, and have the person resent you.

8. Find ways to work through critiques to assemble your response. Try writing down a valued critique, especially where it seems to involve a lot in the way of changes and new directions. Ask yourself what needs to be done, what is lacking according to the critique and what skills you might need to acquire to improve your work or self. Then ask yourself those seemingly lacking skills in questions, such as: "I lack confidence in myself?", "I lack the ability to draw head sizes correctly?" , "I lack the ability to keep myself from talking too much?" After you ask yourself a question, think back and see if you agree or not. If you do, then the answer is yes, if not, then no. This step also helps you to agree with the critique and not feel like it's an attack or unfounded.

9. Open the gift of critique. If you change your view and see the critique as a gift, you may be amazed at how this perspective shift can change your take on critiques. Whenever we feel "under attack", our responses tend to be negative, defensive and we put up barriers that filter what we'd otherwise hear. Instead of viewing the critique as an attack, see the great critique as a gift of support, and be grateful that someone has bothered to spend time reviewing or guiding you. They didn't have to care about what you're doing but they have and they may just have told you the very thing about your work or about yourself that needs working on. If you're really lucky, they may even have given you the guideposts to help you get there. Try to see it as just a bold lecture with no cushioning words in it to distract from the pure message

10. 

Express appreciation to a critic. This step may surprise you but one of the greatest things you can do in life is to let another person know that they have helped you, especially where they helped to unlock a better, more creative, more inspired you. Even a critic you'd rather not spend a moment more around can be a huge source of inspiration to rev up your real talents, so why not show some gratitude to that person – they may even grow a soft spot for your honesty.

• Realize that most people won't take the time to accurately assess what you're doing wrong in a way that is both helpful and enlightening. When critic does nothing but grumbling and implies "I could do better than that but I can't be bothered to", then you learn nothing. But when the critic actually points the way to improvement, you have been blessed, not cursed. Someone who takes their time to enlighten you should be welcomed.

Tips!

• Critiques are there to help you; this is the iron clad rule of critiques. If whoever critiques you fails to be expertly helpful, or lacks respect for your work and fails to show ways to get better, then it's not a critique but an attempt to lop down the tall poppy.
• When the people who like you or your work and the people who don't agree on something, it's more likely to be true. Create for the people who like what you're doing and critique in ways that help you attain your vision. Not those that try to change your original intent.
• Take one little critique at a time. Do not unload the whole truck at once or you'll feel crushed.
• Be patient with anything that deals with a critique. It may be something that needs time to fully digest and work through.
• Always ask questions if you don't understand something in the critique. Showing a willingness to learn and improve will not go unnoticed.
• Having knowledge of what a good critic would actually say in the circumstances is a useful way to put down any mediocre critic aspiring to criticize but who sorely misses the mark. You can always come back with something like: "Well, if Mark Twain had said that, I'd have believed it and acted upon it." (With the implication being: "You're no Mark Twain, so what would you know?)

• Warning: Critiques can be a hard hit on a sensitive person. So if you are not ready, spend time preparing first. Also realize that sometimes it's just going to hurt and you'll need to learn ways to look beyond the hurt and to learn what you can from the critique.